Sunday, February 26, 2006

Dubai to take over the Secret Service

In a stunning development today, the White House agreed to let Dubai run the Secret Service, the agency responsible for the physical protection of the President, top officials of government, and the treasury.

"After reviewing the history of the assassinations in this country," President Bush read from a prepared statement, "It's clear that Americans are incapable of protecting their own leaders. I fear I may be next. It seems some people here question my leadership." he added, glancing at the memorial edition of "My Pet Goat" on his desk.

"And as a country with an extensive history of money laundering, who better to run our treasury? I'm tired of liberal bloggers talking about how dirty money is ruining our country. If our money is dirty, we need to launder it, so again I say, who better than Dubai?"

President Bush related how he is considering having Dubai guard the Pentagon as well. Bush pointed out that the Pentagon failed to prevent a direct hit on itself on 9/11, when a plane flew into the building. "Clearly, what we need here is some outside expertise."

The President is also considering having Dubai oversee the Drug Enforcement Administration. "As one of the leading ports for drug smuggling, Dubai is the perfect choice," the President stated. "They know what to look for. It's like hiring hackers to help with our elections."

The press corp was uncharacteristically silent during the President's press conference.

Across the Potomac, at Arlington National Cemetary, Ted Kennedy led a memorial service for the death of the Republic. As the Constitution was laid to rest, the Democrats present wept tears. The Republicans blew noisemakers and threw confetti made from shredded copies of the document.

The eternal flame for the UAE-provided monument was never lit, as the price of oil went up when the news of Dubai's new role in America hit the markets.

A visitor at the grave of former CIA Officer David Atlee Phillips reported hearing a strange sobbing sound, followed by these words: "Had I known killing Kennedy would lead to the death of the Republic, I would never have participated in the plot. Can you ever forgive me?" A bolt of lightning struck the grave in front of the visitor, and the voice was not heard again.

5 Comments:

Blogger Morgan Wolf said...

Across the Potomac, at Arlington National Cemetary, Ted Kennedy led a memorial service for the death of the Republic. As the Constitution was laid to rest, the Democrats present wept tears. The Republicans blew noisemakers and threw confetti made from shredded copies of the document

Falling down laughing! Well done! I'm forwarding this to a host of friends, Lis. Damn good writing.

Morgan

12:50 AM  
Blogger Real History Lisa said...

Thanks, Morgan. I love your blog. Always happy to see you here!

9:56 PM  
Blogger Other Lisa said...

Hey, don't give Dubya any ideas! I could see him going for this...

11:16 PM  
Blogger Real History Lisa said...

Good point!!

7:18 AM  
Anonymous jnetter said...

Saw your comment today over at RI and realized I hadn't looked at your site for some time. This piece is great, as is the one on Milosevic.

12:59 PM  

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